


whisper game

by tipstaff



Series: running in the shadows [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M, and a big crush on muldoid!!, do svidaniya babey, krycek has existential gay thoughts in his car, nick lea: i'm gonna give the gays everything they want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 18:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipstaff/pseuds/tipstaff
Summary: Krycek makes a decision.





	whisper game

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm claire and i listened to toxic on repeat as i wrote this

As soon as he left the meeting, Krycek regretted what he’d done. What he’d said. He’d went into that room with the intention of saving his own skin, and that’s exactly what he’d done. Thrown Mulder and Scully under the bus to ensure his own safety.

He felt sick.

He walked, feeling disconnected, to where he’d parked, threw his briefcase in the backseat and collapsed into the driver’s seat. He gripped the steering wheel at ten and two and let his head fall forward to rest against the cool leather. He was salivating, excessively. He hoped he wouldn’t throw up. Letting his eyes flutter closed, he pictured Mulder’s face… how disappointed he’d be when he found out. Or would he be? Krycek liked to think he had a chance with Mulder, but the older man’s animosity toward him was evident in every conversation they had. Before he’d worked with Mulder, he’d always imagined their first meeting, their first case, as going much more smoothly. Krycek wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to believe. That’s exactly the kind of thinking that got him into this situation.

So would Mulder merely be angry when he found out Krycek was a dirty, rotten, lying double agent? Would he be pissed off, but glad Krycek warned him? Or would there be deeper feelings involved? Krycek wanted to think Mulder would be relieved, someday. That Krycek came clean, instead of the alternative. Instead of continuing to work for the Syndicate, living in a whisper game. He wanted to believe that someday Mulder would be glad he could love Krycek without feeling guilty.

But regardless of how Mulder felt about Krycek, the fact remained: Krycek had to tell him. He couldn’t lie anymore, put Agent Scully in mortal peril, look into Mulder’s eyes and pretend to be his helpful young partner when he was really just a rat. He wasn’t that kind of person. He had certainly thought he could be, when he was approached by the Syndicate for the first time, back at the Academy. But he hadn’t counted on falling for Agent Mulder’s inexplicable faith in the unknown.

He felt pathetic. He wondered if the Syndicate had anticipated this. He certainly hoped not, but a part of him thought there was no way they hadn’t seen this coming the moment they hired him on. Had they known he would deflect to Mulder’s side the moment he met the man? Old doubts rose up within him, ones that hadn’t bothered him since he’d been a teenager, constantly worrying that everyone knew his deepest secret. Had the Syndicate known? Had they planned for this? Did they hire him because they saw in him a charming flirt that would get on his back for Mulder before their first case was even over? Bile rose up in Krycek’s throat, and he swallowed thickly.

He sat up, wiping at the spit that had gathered at the corner of his mouth. He took a few deep breaths, turned the keys in the ignition, and put the car in drive. He was headed for Mulder’s apartment. He was going to tell Mulder the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> questions, comments, and critiques are always welcome :-)


End file.
